I’m so sorry folks, and I hope you accept my apology.
After 17 of these weekly newsletters, this whole time I’ve been ignoring an important group of filmmakers out there…
What about the writers, directors, and producers who want to make BAD films?
Well, finally, I have an issue of Friday Film Notes just for you.
This list is not a comprehensive list, but consider this your…
TERRIBLE SHORT FILM
STARTER PACK
Include these in your next short film and it’s sure to disappoint 😄
It was all a dream!
Some tropes are a classic for a reason. You gotta try this one, it’s the ultimate cop-out ending. Writing a mysterious film has never been easier!
Simply do whatever weird, insane shit you can think of, and then have your character wake up right before the end credits.
Works. Every. Time.
“Hey little sis, what’s up?”
If we didn’t know that these characters were siblings before, this incredibly natural line of dialogue will surely clear up any confusion.
This must be what they mean when they say “show don’t tell” in screenwriting. Breathtaking in its elegance, no?
Drugs/Drug trips
This is a modern take on the classic It was all a dream! – but in a pinch, it still gets the job done.
Take your characters out of the literal world without the baggage of those pesky writing responsibilities like… making sense.
You might get to finally bust out that fish-eye lens too!
3 minutes of credits for a 5 minute film
Give the people what they want: Text scrolling tortuously slow over a black screen.
You literally can’t have enough of this. Throw it in the beginning, repeat the same names at the end, go nuts!
Because guess what, it’s called ENTERTAINMENT folks. And no story is more entertaining than reading strangers’ names in unstyled Helvetica over royalty free music.
That said, I’m still waiting for a visionary director to finally step up and start throwing in some MIDDLE credits too… but maybe the world just isn’t ready yet.
16 year old actors playing 40 year old characters
Is there anything more heartwarming than watching an acne-ridden protagonist with braces coming home to his wife and child after another long day at the office?
You can almost FEEL the relief as he loosens his tie (because all adults wear ties to work), and finally embraces his son (who happens to be 7 years younger than him).
But unfortunately, our protagonist has miles to go before he sleeps.
A call from “BOSS” lights up his cellphone. We learn that “those reports” need to be on his desk tomorrow morning. From the look on his world-weary, wrinkle-less wife, we know this is a familiar story.
But today is different, and after a deep heart-to-heart, our protagonist finally realizes he’s getting too old for this shit.
He puts down his briefcase (because all adults bring one to work), and plays a long overdue game of catch with his younger brother— I MEAN SON.
The excessive “production company” logo
Your production company logo is the business card of the film world. And we all know how critical business cards are. So make your mark.
Simplicity and understated logos are NOT your friend here.
Spend a minimum of 3-6 weeks designing a logo in Microsoft Paint. Then animate it. Add some music (consider making this way louder than the rest of the film).
Bonus points for distracting/off-putting company names, sound effects, and amateur motion graphics. Let the audience really FEEL those keyframes.
Remember – if they can’t connect with the Eunuch Unicorn Pictures International logo, how can you expect them to connect with Eunuch Unicorn Pictures International films?
Fun fact: the Standard Story Company logo took me about 30 minutes to make. That mistake has cost me millions of dollars, and Academy Award consideration, year after year.
Embrace the 360 degree rule
Ever hear that saying that we only use 10% of our brains?
Well guess what? Filmmakers who try to keep actors’ eyelines consistent by adhering to the 180 degree rule are only using 50% of their story!
Why hem yourself into only shooting a scene from ONE SIDE? You can literally DOUBLE the emotional impact by embracing the 360 degree rule instead.
The math doesn’t lie. Open your minds, sheeple.
Do you have any additions you’d make to this list? If so, reply here and I’ll add them to the video I’m going to make about this soon. Bad films can be so much worse with your help!
Disclaimer: Don’t take this list personally, as I’ve been guilty of them all.
Want more? Check out one of my first YT vids: Short Film cliches that drive people crazy.
Favorites this week:
📱 App: Sunsama
This has become my go-to daily planning app over the last few months. Everything I do Monday-Friday runs off Sunsama now.
What sets it apart from the competition is how it encourages me to set reasonable workloads for myself each day, by adding up the estimated time to complete each task on my plate. It also gives me a summary of everything I did each week, which is useful for reflecting on how I spent my time.
Plus it integrates with Gmail and my calendars, so I can just drag in a tricky email as a task for a later date. And it keeps a little timer floating on screen when I start a task, which I find keeps me on track and prevents distractions.
Sunsama is a bit pricy for an app like this, but I put a high value on anything that can increase my productivity and/or decrease my stress, so it’s easily worth it for me. They have a free trial and you get an extra free month with my link. Boom.
💬 Quote: Fiction is the lie through which we tell the truth.
-Albert Camus
Shameless plug:
Check out my new YouTube video about the future of AI for us narrative filmmakers. Spoiler alert, I’m not so doom-and-gloom about it.
That’s it for this week.
Let’s make some movies.
-Kent
🎓 Film School for the Real World
Join +200 members of WRAPPED in 30 Days where I guide you through every step of writing, producing, & directing your own crowd-pleasing short film in a month.